Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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