WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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