I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
