Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
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