i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
