I must be too annoying 4 u.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
