Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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