I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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