She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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