At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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