He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
