so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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