love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
