i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
