bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
