I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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