You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my shit smells like andre
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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