Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
