so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
