I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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