I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
