i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
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If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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