First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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