We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
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He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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