Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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