I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
