Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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