You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
