There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
