Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
