Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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