i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
