Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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