i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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