Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
