"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
