I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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