I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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