just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
