im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize