So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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