I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
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