ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
