I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
