ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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