pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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