And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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