I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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