As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
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The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I said "one day" and that day is not today
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..