just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
