just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
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if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
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All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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