he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
