Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
