u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
