bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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