It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
