Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
