I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
