she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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