just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
