Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
