What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
