We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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