Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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