It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
