what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
