So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
