let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
