So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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