Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
