He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
