how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
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Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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