mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
